Sigh. I am in a weird mood. Not really a funk. Just a creatively blocked corner of frustration at not having endless amounts of time to actually deeply delve into figuring out which path of creativity I really feel the most passionate about. Writing, photography, painting, drawing, collage - whatever. I have hardly spent any time in my office lately - the office I so carefully arranged and partially decorated.
This going back to work thing came at a time when I was just getting going on the creative thing, and now . . . I'm just too tired to do much after about 8 at night. That's just how it is. And every weekend seems full of stuff. Perhaps summer will be better. No school activities. I don't plan to go to camp, maybe mission trip but not sure. I just want to spend my hours doing what I want to do for my own pleasure - is that too much to ask . . .? Don't answer that. Waaahhh.
I am not good at making efficient use of small blocks of time. I've figure out about myself that in order to do something creative, to get it flowing, I need to have a chunk of time where I don't have the thoughts of something else I have to do on the tail end of it chattering away in my mind. And when, really, is that EVER the case? Bleh. Even when I was home all the time, all the stuff I have to do was chattering in my mind. I need to go to a hypnotist and have them do something so that I can just let stuff GO, without it bugging me that it's not getting DONE. I seem to find time to email, and I've broken through my blogging block and do that pretty often now. But the rest . . . I think it's going to take a radical change in my DNA or something - or at least a radical change in how I approach my daily life.