Okay, so today I bought a pair of Lucky Brand jeans. Now, I've bought a lot of jeans in my life, but I've never, ever paid this much for them. Not gonna say how much, but it was probably too much, depending on your point of view. So why, you may ask, did I pay a most likely inflated price for a mere pair of jeans? Well, as most of my fellow girls (hmmm, that sounds funny) know, a good fitting pair of jeans is really priceless. I shall just say here that over the years, my body shape has changed from a nice, well proportioned size 9 to, well I'm not really gonna say, but let's just say I'm somewhere at the top of the size chart, and sometimes those are tight, but I'm too small for the plus size clothes in most stores. So what's a girl to do? I've given serious consideration to designing my own clothing line of hip, yet age appropriate, stylish and GOOD FITTING clothes for women size 14 to 18. Clothes that don't look like someone's grandma, and clothes that don't have huge armholes or presume that if you are a larger size girl, you have huge boobs and a huge waistline. Where are the shirts whose buttons don't gape open at the chest, and yet have a neckline that fits me instead of a linebacker for the 49ers? Where are the tshirts that fit without clinging, come down past the top of my pants, and yet don't have sleeves down to my elbows and armholes down past my bra? Where are the jeans that fit waist, hips, thighs, snugly but with room to breathe and move around without cutting off my air?
I digress. Back to the jeans. So I went to The Gap and tried on a pair of their new "curvy" jeans. I'm a curvy girl, right? Should be just the ticket. So I got the largest size they had in the store, which is the size I usually wear. (They make larger sizes but you have to order them online - I would never order jeans without trying them on!) Put them on, with some effort. Very tight in the thighs - I felt like that girl in the Moto Razr commercial. Zip - button. Look in the mirror - not bad, a little tight but not bad. Turn around for the all important butt view, and what have we here but my old friend the "butt gap." You know the one, where the waist fits you in the front but when you turn around there's about a 3 or 4 inch gap between your actual waist (or hip) and the pants. So I go out to show Lindsay, and she says "just wear a belt." Well, I don't like to tuck in my shirts due to another anatomical problem area, so that's out. Then the helpful young sales clerk guy said "Maybe you should try the Curvy Jeans." To which I replied with just a hint of sarcasm, irony if you will, "These ARE the Curvy Jeans." "Oh," he said.
So we're on to Lane Bryant. I've never had much luck buying clothese there are their smallest size is usually too big for me, but I'm willing to try anything. So the nice salesgirl, who was about my size, brought me some jeans to try on, and she was quite sympathetic to my plight. The jeans were okay but didn't really fit the way I wanted - Linsdsay called them "mom jeans," you know, the ones that come all the way up to your waist. So then the salesgirl tells me that she gets Lucky jeans at The Buckle. I comment that I can't afford Lucky jeans (celebrities wear them, if that tells you anything), and she remarks that a good fitting pair of jeans is worth it and she just gets one pair and wears them all the time.
So we move on, try a couple more stores but we are at the opposite end of the mall from The Buckle and Sam's getting tired and I'm weary of trying on clothes that don't fit, so we go home.
Then today I decided, what the heck, I'll go alone to the mall to try them and if they are just awful no one will know. Well you can guess what comes next, they fit pefectly! Well, actually the first two I tried on were too tight, but just like Goldilocks, the third pair was Just Right! They are sized by waist size, so I had no earthly idea what size to even try for, and I did not want a pair of the popular shredded ones that look like they are ready for the rag pile. A very nice young lady helped me find the right style and size and didn't even smirk or chuckle when I told her I was shopping for me rather than for one of my children. (If you know The Buckle, it generally caters to the 13-25 crowd.) They are a bit too long, but bonus, they do free alterations! She offered to pin them for me right then, but I asked if I could take them home and try them with different shoes so I could figure out the right length. You know, you have to get them long enough to wear with boots or shoes with heels, but not so long that they scrunch up too much at the bottom if you wear flat shoes.
I cringed at the price, but I consoled myself that I will only need this one pair (maybe for several years!). One bright side, I went to get a pair of all purpose jeans/pants shoes with a heel, to replace a worn out pair I got rid of last winter. I can't do tall boots because of yet another anatomical problem area - big calves and ankles. Maybe I need to design those too. So I found a pair that kind of look like boots under jeans, but they are really comfy. I looked all over the mall and found these at Foleys, and was prepared to pay more than I usually do for shoes just to get a comfortable pair, since comfort is almost as important as style these days. So when I went to check out, they were about half the price I thought they were! Double bonus! Don't know if they were on sale, or if I just read the price wrong, but either way, it took a little of the sting off the jeans tab.
Okay, so if anyone reads this who can design clothes and has any ideas, get with me and we'll start a specialty clothing line. I even have a name for it. Reality Chick. Yep, that's my idea. But I have no idea what to do with it. I just know that there must be other women out there who have the same fit problems I do, who are not plus size, but are on the "real woman" side of the size chart. Who want to look stylish, trendy, even edgy sometimes, without looking like a grandma (well, I AM a grandma, but you get my drift) or a sad woman clinging to her 20s. Oh, and the clothes don't need to cost as much as a ski vacation either!
I don't want much. Just clothes that fit. That fit a real sized woman with an imperfect but well proportioned moderately plus size body and make me look FABULOUS! Yeah, that's it . . .